Um dia de merda, adubado com muita cerveja

POSTADO POR: admin sex, 06 de junho de 2014

Foi num sábado abafado do último verão. Cercado de paranoias sobre o futuro e o presente, eu liguei para o amigo Geraldo visando distrair a cuca. A proposta era boa, e os papos etílicos poderiam curar o marasmo do dia.

– Fala Geraldo, é Pitz, o que você vai fazer hoje?
– Nada, estou revisando o livro novo..
– Dá uma pausa aí então, vamos beber algumas e ver os animais cagando no zoológico.
– Que horror..
– É um show bem digno. Não?
Decidimos beber algumas cervejas, enquanto olhávamos os animais nas jaulas e viveiros. Um macaco sorriu para nós, logo na entrada, masturbou o pequeno pênis na direção do Geraldo e fez reverência. Depois largou um montinho de bosta fresca.
– Ei, veja, Geraldo, o macaco gostou de você.
– É… Talvez tenha gostado mesmo. Que nojo. Vamos ver o hipopótamo.
O enorme animal apenas ficava na água, e também fazia borbulhar uns peidos bem “esplashados”.
– Viu porque eu te disse que veríamos os animais largando barro?
– Você e sua boca maldita.
– É a regra da vida, meu amigo. Os animais presos aqui não podem fazer muito, alem de comer, cagar e dormir. Não precisam caçar, não precisam de suas longas ou curtas viagens, não contribuem mais para o sistema e o equilíbrio natural. Sacou? São quase quadros vivos.
– Ótimo, agora você me deprimiu, vamos buscar mais cervejas.
No caminho até o quiosque eu encontrei uma antiga namorada, agora casada e mãe de dois belos guris. Silvia foi a garota mais legal que passou pela minha vida. E, é claro, eu fui um canalha com ela. Descia do apartamento 305, e entrava no 202 da vizinha tarada. As duas iam juntas à igreja e eu comia as duas. Quando Silvia descobriu chorou por uma semana e terminou comigo.
– Ei, Geraldo, tá vendo aquela morena ali?
– Sim, é bonita. Mas o marido dela é mais interessante. Hummm.
– Ela foi minha namorada, a garota mais legal que eu conheci.
– E você largou por quê?
– Ela largou. Fiz merda… Comi a vizinha dela.
– É bem a tua cara.
– Não, não é; eu mudei muito.
– Uhum.
A família feliz passou por nós e, incrivelmente, Silvia sorriu e acenou para mim. Eu sorri e acenei de volta. O marido ia mais a frente segurando a onda da molecada que queria correr. Bela família. Fiquei feliz por Silvia.
– Fico feliz que as coisas tenham dado certo para ela. Essa garota merece.
– Que seja.
Eu e Geraldo ainda ficamos por mais duas horas andando entre as jaulas e viveiros. Depois da sétima latinha de cerveja, meu amigo voltou à jaula do macaco punheteiro e fez lá umas danças sensuais para ele. O macaco sorria empolgado e masturbava mais um pouco, reconhecendo alguma sensualidade em Geraldo. Havia química entre eles.
Enquanto minha ex está casada e muitos dos meus amigos estão ricos, realizados, eu ainda escrevo literatura ruim, e observo Geraldo excitar um macaco no zoológico.
Talvez eu compre outro carro velho para não andar de ônibus. Talvez eu queira morrer no próximo verão.
(Fiquem agora com a musiquinha sensual e indecifrável de Silent Circle)

Conheça um pouco mais do trabalho do nosso colunista Allan Pitz no livro ‘Estação Jugular’. Clique no banner abaixo da nossa loja virtual e confira!

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