Humor negro de um crioulo: A lenda

POSTADO POR: admin qua, 09 de novembro de 2011

Reza a lenda que
Uoxinton chutava bastante já dentro da barriga da mãe, mas chutava com estilo-
nada de força. A mesma lenda também conta que ao nascer sua mãe disse
“Que lindo!”, o pai disse “Meu filho!” e o medico ficou
calado. Mas, a verdade é que a mãe pensou “Que fofo”, o pai pensou
“Pelo menos é macho” e o médico riu – só que ninguém pôde ver por causa
da máscara cirúrgica- e pensou que já havia visto piores.
A lenda diz que sua
primeira palavra foi ‘gol’, que no dia do seu segundo aniversario
ganhou a primeira bola, que aos dois anos já conseguia fazer
embaixadinhas e no dia seguinte marcou o seu primeiro gol. Aos sete anos, já
reproduzia todos os dribles que assistia na TV, aos oito começou a inventar
os seus próprios e quando ele tinha nove anos três meses e vinte e cinco dias
aconteceu o inevitável. Deixou de falar na primeira pessoa do singular.
Foi meio confuso
no começo, por um tempo a mãe chegou a pensar que ele tinha algum tipo de amigo imaginário, o pai até o pastor chamou. Mas foi um tio quem matou a charada enquanto ouvia uma entrevista com um jogador que se dirigia ao vestiário após o jogo, era como se ouvisse o sobrinho falando. 
No dia seguinte falou qualquer besteira com o garoto só pra comprovar sua teoria.
– E aí, Uoxinton? Como vai na escola?
– Bem , tio! Não é fácil, mas a gente vem trabalhando duro e se Deus quiser vamos sair com o resultado.
Não havia
dúvidas: O moleque tinha enlouquecido e pensava ser um jogador de futebol, ou
tinha sido possuído pelo espírito de algum jogador morto. O tio alertou a mãe, a
mãe contou ao pai, o pai tentou resolver à base do cinturão. Não deu certo, ele
ficava choramingando ‘A gente não fez nada’.
.
Ninguém sabia ao certo o que fazer, mas um vizinho
teve uma idéia que mudou a vida do nosso herói, levá-lo ao Seu Bill, o
treinador do glorioso Bode.  Se o problema do garoto tinha algo
remotamente relacionado à bola, Bill saberia como dar um jeito. Chegando lá, o
coroa olhou pro garoto, falou umas besteiras que ninguém entendeu e o garoto
respondeu outras besteiras que o pessoal igualmente não entendeu. Então Bill,
muito calmamente, se dirigiu ao pai e disse saber do que o garoto estava
sofrendo, mas que precisava fazer um simples teste para confirmar o
diagnostico. 
Antes, seu Bill fez os pais de Uoxinton prometerem que se a
suspeita se confirmasse, ele seria o responsável pela cura do garoto. Os pais
não entenderam bem, mas prontamente concordaram.
Bill pegou uma
bola velha, fez umas mungangas com ela e tocou pro garoto, o pirralho matou no
peito, deu de coxa, parou na testa, passou pro nariz, voltou pra testa, rolou
pra nuca, voltou pro peito e deu de volta pra Bill. Bill sorriu e disse pro pai
que o diagnostico fora confirmado: craque de nascença. E o detalhe da fala
seria consertado com algumas tardes de treino no campinho de barro do Bode.
Naquele dia Uoxinton ganhou seu primeiro par de chuteiras.

dito pelo @negodobroz

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