Avenida Paulista com Obstáculos

POSTADO POR: Maldito seg, 29 de julho de 2013

Não deixe que as notícias te enganem! Caminhar a pé pelas calçadas da Avenida mais famosa de São Paulo pode ser tão perigoso quanto encarar o transito caótico das ruas da cidade. 
Ok! Posso estar sendo um pouco dramático. É claro que dessa forma você não corre o risco de perder um braço, ou a vida, em um trágico acidente. Mas ainda assim, se locomover de um ponto A até um ponto B na Avenida Paulista não deixa de ser ser uma tarefa árdua, complicada e cheia de obstáculos.
Ninguém anda pela Paulista impunemente. Durante o seu trajeto, qualquer que seja ele, você fatalmente será abordado por pelo menos meia dúzia de vezes com todo tipo de lorota. Todas com o mesmo objetivo, tomar alguns trocados do seu suado dinheiro, ou uns minutinhos do seu precioso tempo.
Caminhos diferentes que levam pro mesmo fim.

Apaguei meu cigarro na entrada de um Shopping, cercado pelo ‘chiqueirinho’ destinado aos fumantes. Respirei fundo e parti em direção a entrada do metrô prevendo os desafios que enfrentaria pelo meu caminho.
E logo surgiu o primeiro empecilho. O pedinte. 
Apesar de ser relativamente fácil livrar-se desse tipo, eles contam com os números a seu favor e costumam aparecer em quantidades absurdas. Em um curto espaço de 50 metros pode-se topar com pelo menos três ou cinco desses. Se você estiver com alguma bebida, alimento, ou cigarro nas mãos, tenha certeza de que eles vão pedir um gole, um pedaço ou um trago.
– Senhor, eu estou com muita fome. Pode me arranjar um pedaço desse sanduíche?!
– Não.
– Então, deixa esse restinho de refrigerante ‘pra nós’?!
– Não.
– Pode pelo menos deixar esse finalzinho do cigarro pra ‘mim fumar’?!
– Cigarro não mata a fome. Foque nos seus objetivos.

Não demorou até que me chegasse o segundo problema. Os vendedores.
Aqui temos duas vertentes a serem encaradas: os escancarados e os disfarçados. Os escancarados podem ser dispensados com um simples aceno negativo de mão, mas os disfarçados se utilizam de artifícios e ardis que certamente lhe tomarão alguns segundos até que perceba que caiu em um truque. A artimanha mais conhecida são as ofertas de brindes grátis,… Lembre-se, ‘Ninguém anda pela Paulista impunemente’.
– O senhor aceita uma revista?! É de graça.
– Oh, claro! Muito obrigado.
Pego na ponta da revista oferecida, mas o desgraçado não solta o outro lado, e ainda por cima começa a puxar o troço, me obrigando a uma aproximação involuntária. Você se sente como um peixe fisgado por um azol com uma revista na ponta.
– O senhor gosta de leitura? Tem alguns minutinhos para conhecer nossas publicações?
– Gosto. Mas creio que isso está prestes a mudar.
– Gostaria de conhecer o nosso catálogo e fazer uma assinatura de nossas revistas? Você já pode sair daqui com essa e outros exemplares grátis. De uma olhada em nossa banca. Quais os temas que te interessam?
– Obrigado, amigo. Mas vou ficar só com a revista grátis mesmo.
– Mas pra ganhar essa, o senhor precisa fazer uma assinatura conosco.
– Não foi o que você disse na primeira vez.
– O senhor deve ter entendido errado. Obrigado pelo seu tempo.
– Eu disse que meu tempo era de graça? Você deve ter entendido errado.

Eu já avistava a estação de metro ao longe, e perto dela mais um obstáculo a ser superado. Os Salvadores do Mundo.
São facilmente identificados pelos coletes de cores berrantes, mas difíceis de serem driblados. Eles sempre querem salvar algo, seja as baleias, a floresta amazônica, as crianças indígenas do baixo Xingu ou alguma espécie de animal raro da polinésia asiática do c* do Judas. De fato causas nobres, mas o chato é que infelizmente eles contam com a nossa ajuda para isso. Isso inclui entidades como Greempeace, LBV, Unicef e outros.
Cometi um erro de amador e acabei fazendo contato visual direto com um deles ainda a uns dez metros de distancia. 
Era uma garota linda, não pude evitar. Havia agido como um idiota, e agora teria que pagar pela minha estupidez. 
Fui me aproximando conformado com a minha penitencia quando de repente uma senhora de idade passou desavisada ao lado da moça de colete verde fluorescente e recebeu um bote da mesma, me deixando livre para escapulir cortando pela direita. Pura sorte.

Eu ainda comemorava essa vitória quando me surgiu à frente uma entidade de túnica cor salmão, cabeça raspada e um sorriso perturbador. Era um deles, os religiosos. No caso um Hare Khrishna.
O cara brotou do nada, sem me dar tempo para qualquer reação.
Normalmente os cristãos te abordam cheio de certezas, mas no caso desse Khrishna, foi uma dúvida que o levou até a mim.
– Por favor senhor…
– Não tenho nada e nem quero nada. Nem se for de graça.
– Não é nada disso senhor. Eu só quero te fazer uma pergunta sobre a vida.
Opa! Finalmente algo que não me custe tempo ou dinheiro, e que realmente eu posso ajudar.
– Ah! Só uma pergunta?! Então joga no Google!

COMENTÁRIOS




OBS. O campo de e-mail é de preenchimento obrigatórios, mas uma vez preenchidos não será mostrado na mensagem. Já o campo de nome é obrigatório, mas pode ser preenchido com um pseudônimo.

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